“As I see it, All Saints has three urgent problems, the roof leaks, the heating is on its last legs, and either the organ, or just possibly the organist, needs urgent attention. Is that not a reasonable summary Mr. Price?”“Yes it is,” said the churchwarden, “though it is the organ itself which is failing.”“I am well aware of these problems, but what can one do?” said the Bishop.“Well, I can help financially, but only if certain conditions are met,” said David using his old managerial manner, “all of which are in your power, Bishop.”The Bishop merely looked at him with raised eyebrows and waited. He was not going to be ordered about for a few thousands of pounds when hundreds of thousands were needed.“There are five things about which I need reassurance. First nothing will be done without a proper survey. Second nothing will be done without proper quotes for the roof work. Third the heating will be repaired or replaced this coming summer, also by professionals. Fourth, the organ will. First I attempt to hold down the flap of the dispenser with my shoulder, but fail at this attempt.“Mmm, this is taking you quite a while. I think we shall need to add a finger for every ten seconds longer you take. Since you have already taken so long, I think you are well overdue for your second,” she says as she adds another finger. Thrusting them in and out enthusiastically as she counts down from Ten… Nine… Eight…At this rate, I am going to be fisted kneeling down on the bathroom floor. This is something I am not entirely prepared for, and consider timing out for a moment. But it is already “one” as she inserts the third finger.I am fully aware that she is prepared for the idea of fisting as she applies generous amounts of lube, which is homemade by myself, I must add!“Ten… Nine… Eight...”In sheer panic I hold down the flap with my forehead and tear vigorously, leaving the edge in tatters, but with the piece of paper indeed successfully detached.She quite suddenly removes all.
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